June 21, 2007

  • Written about 5PM June 20, 2007 while Xanga was down

    I feel like my mind is grinding to a halt. I can't get my ass out of this chair today, aside from going back to bed. I wouldn't think this is due to the medication I only began taking last night, but I am a little worried that it is.

    I went to the doctor yesterday and had him fill out forms for CPP Disability. I asked him for an antidepressant and he gave me Cipralex from a box of samples in his cupboard. It's a new drug that is supposed to have minimal side-effects, and according to the internet it doesn't interact with alcohol either, meaning if I want to have a frozen drink at the beach on Saturday I still can.

    Although the doctor seemed to be making a genuine effort to support my case for depression, he asked me to bring in someone else that could verify I'm really depressed. Fucking hell! he takes my mom's word as-is on everything, but he requires a witness when I report that I'm having trouble functioning? I said I'd bring Dorian in, and he said that would be fine. I had his take my blood pressure, and to my surprise it was 132/84, lower than it has been in ages. I can only figure it's because Mom has been away for a week and I haven't been eating anything much, so there's no salt getting into my body.

    This afternoon I phoned Dorian and he said he was just about to go on stage to finish up an Elvis concert in Pickering, but he saw my number on the Call ID and decided he had to answer it. I thanked him and said it's not urgent this time, and he said he'd call me back after the show. I have an appointment with the doctor on Monday afternoon to fill out my EI Sickness application form, so I'm hoping he can go with me then.

    I went to the Krasman Centre support group last night, and many people there hugged me and some shed a few tears with me as I described my mom's behaviour and how it's destroying me. Someone else was asking about how to get a Form 2 on somebody, so I was the resident expert for the night and gave him all the information I've gathered in the last two weeks. I also got positive reviews on the psychiatrist I'm going to see in August.

    Although Mom had been threatening me again on Sunday night and Monday, she seemed to settle a bit last night when I told her I'd been to the doctor for antidepressants. When I woke from my nap after the doctor's visit and asked Mom if she wanted KFC for dinner, she not only said yes but she handed me money and told me she'd buy mine too. I thanked her for it, and we sat silently watching TV and eating chicken when I returned. It was half an hour where she didn't attack me once, although I intentionally didn't open any conversation because I figured it would set her off no matter what topic I chose.

    Monday night, Luc took me out to dinner at Mr. Greek, then we went to his place for 5 hours of messing around combining my computer with Dad's. I had invested in 2gb of RAM, and now it kicks ass. I had thought the power supply in my machine was shot, but it turned out to be bulging capacitors on the motherboard. There was no saving it without blowing a bunch of money on it. We formatted my dad's hard drive to get rid of the horrible proprietary Compaq Windows XP and replace it with regular Windows XP. My main hard drive is slow and there was no room left for it in the case, so I'm going to have to get my hands on a USB enclosure so I can access things on it. For now though, I have a kick-ass computer. Even Luc was a bit excited about my upgrade. This computer must be my large inheritance. I must take a moment and thank Gilly for not wanting Dad's computer and being cool with me taking it.

    So tired... I think I'll go have another nap.