I was rearranging things in the china cabinets when I found a piece of torn paper, inexplicably tucked into my dad's passport from the early 1970s. It was part of a note my mother wrote to my grade 3 teacher. Thought it was interesting.

March 26, 1987.

Dear Mrs. Webster:

I'm sorry I didn't send Alison this afternoon, and I forgot to phone in. She could barely stay awake to eat her lunch, so she had a short nap, and I took her to a NEW Doctor. My other Doctor has continued to say 'She's just fine, nothing wrong with her'.

I recall sleeping at my desk a lot that year, and at times Mrs. Webster even allowed me to lie on the floor to take naps. Yeah doc, there's NOTHING wrong with me. Stupid asses!

Why was I rearranging my china cabinets? Well, Mom called me on Friday, and I thought it might be to wish me happy birthday since, you know, it was my birthday. In fact, she had no recollection of my birthday until I reminded her half an hour later, but fortunately I took it in stride and just wrote it off to Mom's standard state of self-obsession. She wished me happy birthday and asked what I was doing to celebrate.

She was calling to tell me she had signed up to move into the assisted living residence on January 1, and was trying to convince me that either Gilly or I should take her massive dinig room set. Neither of us wants it, we both prefer the teak table with the leaves so we can make it whatever size we want, and we love the antique china cabinet that my mother was given by a very close family friend many years ago. Why we'd want to replace it with an 8-foot solid plywood dining table with fake wood laminate on it is beyond me. She also seemed to think maybe the next owner of her condo might want it "since it matches the kitchen", but I said it's far too large for the space and she should sell it. She keeps talking about having an auction, which is absurd. The table, 8 chairs, and a massive china cabinet to match were only $2200 brand new, so an auction isn't really a reasonable idea. I'm going to try to convince her to just put an ad in the paper, or let me put them on Kijiji once she has the place cleaned out.

She told me she had called a realtor to visit the next day, and I said she should hold onto the condo for a month after her move to allow time to empty it and have people in to deep-clean the carpets and sterilise the bathroom and so on. I told her she'd get an awful lot more money for it if she didn't show it until it was empty and clean. She just kind of blew off the idea.

Mom called Gilly the next day. She said the realtor had agreed with me, that she should show the place after emptying it out. Mom's solution was to move up her moving date to December 1! WTF?! Somehow, in my mother's mind, the solution to completing a large and difficult task is to cram it into as short a time as possible, and during the busiest month of the year. I'm trying to reach her today to suggest that she wait until January 1, so as not to traumatise the cats by moving them to a new home and then leaving them alone in a strange place for two days while she visits us for Christmas.

So I think I'm going to have to take a few days off work as soon as possible to supervise some of the packing, so I can rescue the things Gilly and I want. Mom says we don't need to take any time off work, she's got it all under control, but after the fiasco of 2007 where she hired questionable people who broke and stole her things and she told others to throw out everything in the basement, I am afraid of what will be lost. There is a HUGE potential for loss this time, since she is moving from a condo with a storage room and a storage locker to a single large room in a home, with no storage space provided. The only thing she cares about is her Royal Albert china, which Gilly and I do want but are not really concerned about since we know she won't toss them out. Knowing her, she is liable to break something while packing it though.

Mom has offered us her furniture and her 53" projection TV. As much as we'd like to have it, we have NO IDEA where to keep it. I'm wondering if maybe we could accept it and keep it on "extended loan" to our building by allowing general use in the games room, until one of us moves somewhere big enough to take it. I would kind of like Mom's couch, but I also REALLY like the couch we have. I know Al wanted a new couch, so maybe he'll take one of them for now. I don't know.

So I'm recovering from a weekend of too much drinking and not enough sleeping, and trying to stave off a state of total panic over my mother's insanity. Imust say I had a fabulous birthday thugh. Friday night a LOT of friends joined me at McMullan's pub in Waterloo for some awesome pizza and good times. We left around 11PM and went to Symposium so we could actually converse, as the pub had gotten so full we couldn't hear each other any more. I got to bed at 2:45AM.

I was up at 7:30AM Saturday to go in the Santa Claus Parade. We walked behind the Scout float with the other Rovers, then went to Scout House to have a meet and greet with another Rover Crew. We got back at 4PM, showered and napped, and then got dressed up and grabbed D and Natalie for a night out at a strip club in London. We had a FABULOUS time, with each of us getting dragged up on stage by strippers. It was screamingly funny to watch proper Gilly and terribly shy Natalie on stage with oily men climbing over them, having them put their hands on the guys' crotches, and simulating various sexual acts. The best part, however, was seeing the grin on D's face when her favourite performer pulled her up and stuck his crotch in her face. She was totally enthralled by him, and she kept trying to cover her smile afterward when I'd catch her staring at him. She'd say "shut up" and try not to laugh, and I would poke her. At one point she wondered aloud if she'd be good at stripping, so I reached into my purse, then stuffed something into her pants. She grinned, then reached in to pull it out. It was 10 cents in Canadian Tire money. I later stuffed an actual dime in her pants, and said it was an IOU for later! It was all good fun. D won a door prize of a Sex And The City perfume set, and was thrilled. We left around 12:30AM and went to McDonald's before heading home. There was lots of raunchy conversation on the way back, and I even managed to participate between microsleeps. I think it was 3:30AM when we got back, and I was so tired I went to bed with my makeup on. I did make sure I put the Maalox on the headboard before I went to bed.

I woke at 11AM, and despite the 17 (!) drinks I had last night, I don't feel hung over. Oddly I didn't feel terribly drunk last night either, although I did make sure I had lots to drink at McDonald's so I wouldn't be totally dehydrated this morning. I am a  little dry, so I should have some soup and tea or something to prevent a headache later in the day.

Ali out!