October 4, 2007

  • Yesterday I visited Zazu and was told he had peed a little. This was good news, as it meant the kidney stone was moving a bit. I visited with him for about half an hour. He was twitching a lot because his potassium was so high, and I could only pick him up by scooping him from his back as lifting from his belly hurt him. When I picked him up he let out a little grunt-like purr. I cried a lot and told him I wanted him to get better. Gilly visited him last night, and there was no change. She and I had a cry last night talking about the possibility of having to put him down today if he didn't clear the stone.

    I went over there half an hour ago, and the vet was in surgery. The nurse spoke to her and found out that he has started vomiting again. The vet wants to speak to us, but we already know what it means. There's nothing else we can do for him, and unless he miraculously passes the stone in the next couple of hours, we're going to have to say goodbye to him.I just don't know what to do with myself. I tried to call Doris, Ellen, and Dorian, but nobody's available. Nobody's online to talk to either. I'm crying so loudly even while I type this, I wouldn't be surprised if a neighbour knocked on my door to find out what's wrong.

    Why does everything i love have to be taken from me all at once?

September 30, 2007

  • Gilly was given two options by the vet. The first was to have Zazu
    hooked up to an IV drip and left for observation overnight, at a cost
    of $500. No. It was bad enough that the visit itself cost $185. Option 2
    was to inject him with saline and give him a camel-like hump which
    would absorb into his body in a few hours. He was also injected with
    more Pepcid to calm his stomach, and he needs to go to the cat hospital
    in the morning so the vet that has his medical records can examine him.

    When I told Mom she tried to tell me to put him down. I said no, wait
    until the vet sees him. I'm glad we took him when we did or she would
    have had him put down two weeks ago. We won't put him down until the
    vet advises us to do so. If he can be stabilised, we want to keep him
    around as long as he's comfortable.

    Gilly got a phone call today from the adoption agency Mom's getting her
    cats from. They said Mom told them she was getting new cats because her
    daughters took her cats away, and they wanted to know if we took them
    because we were concerned for their safety. Gilly said that Mom is
    unsanitary but does feed and water the cats and would be OK to own
    them. The woman asked Gilly if, were Mom to become unable to care for
    the cats in the future, we would take them in, and Gilly said yes. Then
    the woman said she has a friend that does house cleaning for $15 an
    hour, who could spend 2 hours a week cleaning Mom's place for her and
    also keep an eye on her condition. She said she'd approach Mom about
    it. Great! I hope it happens, because I would feel better if someone
    was keeping an eye on things inside her home. I would worry a lot less.

    I have previously considered calling the adopton place to tell them
    Mom's not suitable for owning animals, but I decided it was pointless
    as it would only piss Mom off again and she'd buy a kitten at a yard
    sale or something anyway. One way or another, she would get what she
    wanted, and at least this way somebody's going to check up on her and
    call us if there's a serious problem.

  • There's so much happening lately, I want to write but can't find the
    time or the energy. Tonight I was supposed to go to Mom's house to get
    some more stuff, but I gave up on that plan after an evening of
    matching up radio sets with Roy. I'm at Austin's house, here alone for
    now and just hanging out.

    Gilly has had an awfuul throat infection all week, and has taken all
    but Monday morning off work. That combined with my lack of money
    resulted in us deciding to only go to Moot Moot for Saturday. We came
    here late on Friday night, Had a great day on Toronto Island with Ellen
    and Brian and all the Rovers, danced until the last ferry dragged us
    back to mainland. We came in about 2AM and I set the smoke alarm off
    while having a shower. So much for trying to be quiet and not wake
    Austin.

    I took Gilly to Dundas station this morning so she could take the bus
    home and I could keep her car for a couple more days. A few minutes ago
    she messaged me to say she got home 7 hours ago to an apartment full of
    cat vomit. Zazu hadn't had his medication in 24 hours, but we figured
    he'd be OK for the day as it's just an antacid and he's been doing
    well. Last weekend we left him for a day and he was OK. Anyway, she
    gave him his pill but he still vomited three more times, all clear
    yellowy stuff. She hasn't seen him eat or drink, and when she wrote me
    he was asleep. I told her to call a vet, and she was advised to take
    him in tonight if possible, or tomorrow morning if that's the earliest
    she could manage. Right now she's taking him to be seen. This is scary.
    If the kidney damage is worse than we thought, he may have to be put
    down.

    Whenever things seem to be as bad as they can get, they always get worse.

    I was turned down for ODSP a couple of weeks ago. My final week of EI
    payment comes on Tuesday, along with my quarterly GST payment. That's
    my entire income for the month. Today I called the returning office and
    put my name in to work for the election. I will eventually have to
    apply for Ontario Works (welfare) but I'm putting it off as long as
    possible. The application process is so degrading, and they want you to
    have no more than $548 in your bank account. Then they give you $570 a
    month, and you're not allowed to borrow money from anyone for any
    reason. That includes using credit. Seeing that my rent is $475, that
    leaves me with $95 a month to cover my phone, car insurance, gas, food,
    medication, and anything else. NOT WORKABLE. I have been told that
    since I am applying as someone appealing an ODSP decision I can make a
    once-in-lifetime exemption of $5000 in assets. I don't have that much,
    but I figure if I take $5000 out of my line of credit and put it in my
    chequing account before I apply for OW, I can use that as supplementary
    cash. I prepaid my car insurance for the next 8 months, and the same
    with my cell phone. I've asked Gilly to cover the entire Rogers bill
    for a while and not expect payback later, as it likely won't happen.
    I'm buying up some gift cards to hang onto for later, and getting car
    repairs done. Once that's all done I'll transfer the money from the
    line of credit, hang up my Mastercard and apply for welfare. Ugh. I'm
    not lookin g forward to this at all, but I'm bursting into tears on a
    daily basis again and I'm clearly not stable yet. I won't be any time
    soon.

    I'll end with some happy news: Gilly and I started bellydancing on
    Thursday night, and thoroughly enjoyed it. On Friday afternoon we went
    to the Campus Crusade For Cheese, and i fit in immediately when two
    frosh said "I lost!" and I shouted "Awww, I LOST!" Then everyone else
    in the room lost, and the frosh were amazed we all knew the game.

September 17, 2007

  • Ack!

    Mom phoned me 20 minutes ago and told me she has accepted an offer on the house - from Sandy, the older brother of one of our old Scouting friends, the same guy that got Gilly drunk her first time. He offered $290 000, ten grand higher than all the other bids. Mom tried to squeeze another five out of him, which I think was rather silly. Anyway, he wrote her a nice letter saying it was his only bid, and that he thought she might accept given that we have known him so long. He also met her conditions on the closing date and cash payment, so she accepted. I'm actually happy to hear it's going to him, as I like him and his wife and have been really been hoping that a young couple starting a  family would move in there and have a happy life there. He's a very handy sort of person (he installed our furnace a few years ago) and will be able to do a lot with the house and property. Even better, once they've done some renovations I might be able to visit and see what it looks like in its new incarnation. I just hope the sale goes through. It still needs to be finalised.

    Mom got sick of waiting for the bank to give her money for the down payment on her condo, so she took a $10 000 cash advance off her Mastercard to do it. The bank claims they will give her the money tomorrow.

    The "ack" is for the next bit. I got a lead on a buyer for the organ, and when I called Mom she said she threw it in the dumpster! I had already told her that if I didn't find a buyer, Luc wanted it. She really, truly doesn't give a shit about anything I say. She said she advertised the lathe in the newspaper for $1500 and a really old man went over to look at it. He said he'd ask around about a buyer for it. I told her I've also advertised it on the internet, so perhaps I'll tell the buyers to just contact her directly. As for the china cabinet and double bed we're getting, Mom said she'd pay for a moving company to ship it to us. We'll get it on Thursday afternoon. I'm glad of that, as I was worried about breaking things trying to move it myself. If i want anything else bulky moved, I'll have to think of it in a hurry.

  • It's 4:30AM. I woke from a dead sleep an hour ago, panicking at the thought of my home being gone. That is, my home in Newmarket. My brain is running a slide show of family activities in the back yard, and lamenting that I was never able to have a bunch of friends over to party and hang out in it like other people do. I keep picturing the sandbox Dad built us in the back yard, and that it's now just a pile of sandy anthills that mark where it stood. The dwarf apple trees that surrounded it even only a month ago have been razed to the ground. Our happy view of ducks playing in the water at the bottom end of our back yard has been replaced by messy pigeons cooing on the balcony of our high-rise apartment. I wonder if the trails from the cats where they walked through the grass every day since I was a child have started to fill in yet, or whether the neighbours' cats follow the same routes in search of their missing friends.

    I've been thinking about how I'm still the only one who has a key to my bedroom, and that I should really leave one for the new owners even though I've left the original doorknob in the room in case they want to put it back on. The finality of it is weighing on me really heavily, and I feel a bit nauseous. I got up and took a Lorazepam, and saw that I only have two left. I'll have to get a refill to get me through the next month. I don't know how I'm going to deal with it next weekend when Gilly and I go back one more time to try to get as many memories crammed into our minds and cars as possible. The tears are burning my eyes and I'm trying to keep my sobs quiet so as not to wake Gilly.

    I feel inclined to phone Dorian, although he's been conspicuously unavailable since he helped us the day the Mormons came and took over for him. I'll have to try to reach him tomorrow and see if maybe he'll come to the house after church on Sunday and say some sort of goodbye prayer. I'm hoping for some kind of closure, but I don't know if anything can stop the pain of having the centre of my world ripped away from me so savagely and suddenly. I am lost in the wild and no amount of survival training could prepare me for the terror of knowing I'll never find my way home again.

September 14, 2007

  • This week has been a huge emotional roller coaster, and it appears that there's still more to come (as if there was any surprise there).

    Sunday: Went to the psychiatrist, spilled my guts and he didn't have much to say except "I'm so sorry, Ali." He asked how my antidepressant was holding up, and I said fairly well I thought, except for last week's panic attack. I also mentioned how extra sleepy it makes me. He offered me Ritalin, since I have narcolepsy (he's going on the assumption I have it) and it's also sometimes used to augment antidepressants rather than increasing the dose. I accepted, and he produced a large bottle of pills from his desk and gave it to me. 10 mg each, one or two tablets twice daily. I was pleased, and thanked him.

    Visited Ellen and Brian that night, went for dinner at Swiss Chalet with them and had a good chat.

    Monday: Went to Mom's house at 9:30AM and was the first to arrive. Clair showed up next, and we wandered up the driveway while we waited for Roy and Bernard. Mom came outside and was very growly. "I bought a condo and I'm moving on October 9. The house is on the market now." She wanted to know where the hammers and crowbars were for removing the shelving in the basement, and when I said I didn't know because everything was hastily packed away and moved she got angry. After some words were exchanged she went back in the house. Clair asked me what she had said, because her speech was so garbled he couldn't make out a word she said. All he could tell was that she was being nasty to me, and he didn't like it.

    When the other men arrived, Mom cam out onto the porch and I was at the edge of the road, packing my van. She wanted me to go up and talk to her, and I said I didn't want any trouble or police or crap. She said she didn't want that either, so I cautiously approached her and stood on the lawn. She said if there was anything I wanted, I should ask for it now. I said I wanted the cats, and started crying as I asked her for them. To my surprise, she said "Well, I'll miss them, but if you miss them that much I guess you can have them." I was shocked and thrilled. She said she hadn't taken them to the vet for their annual shots since she can't drive, so I asked if she would pay the vet bill if I took them over the next day. She agreed.

    All day I kept bursting into tears. People were walking through to see the house, including on of the younger guys from the Keswick model club. He was carrying a baby, and said his house is just too small now that he has a kid. He was asking what sort of neighbourhood it is, and I started crying talking about growing up there. I apologised, and he said it was alright. He really wanted the house, but in the end he said he wasn't able to scrape together enough money for the down payment.

    Mom had a dumpster delivered to the house at 1PM. Dad's friends and the teenage son of the dumpster company's owner set to work emptying the garage, and filled 10 cubic metres in 90 minutes. Mom had another dumpster delivered right away.

    Once loaded with the last of Dad's tools and things, I led the men down to Austin's house to unload.Had I not had the Ritalin, I would have been flat on the floor by then. As it was, I was so exhausted I was wobbly and nearly fell down the stairs a couple of times. We got everything sorted, I thanked the men, and they set off. I had just enough time to shower before I headed out to my sleep disorders group, stopping on the way to pick up some sushi to eat during the meeting as I hadn't had supper.

    At the meeting, I was greeted with great enthusiasm. I was late and the meeting was already underway, but Joan got up and came over to me right away. She hugged me and tucked a piece of paper in my hand, and told me not to look at it right then but to put it in my pocket for later. When I did look as I left the building, I discovered it was a money order for $200! I was so touched. She had given me the same in a sympathy card when Dad died, and that as unexpected. This time it was totally random; she just felt like giving me money because she knew I needed it. I planned to call her in the morning and thank her.

    Anyway, during the meeting Joan had a rather spectacular cataplexy, sliding off her wheeled office chair and narrowly missing hitting her face on the table on her way down. I waited until she came to before making my announcement about being given Ritalin. As I expected, Joan was ecstatic. She always says my story is like hers, where nobody would believe her or tell her what was wrong until she was at the point of constant collapsing and hallucinations. I had been looking forward to seeing her reaction when I told her I was actually getting reasonable treatment. She was so happy, she hugged me again as soon as the group discussion was over.

    I took Irene and Tula home after the meeting. Tula had been looking very tired all evening, although when I dropped her off at 10:45PM she kept up the conversation for quite some time before saying good night. She was trying to convince me to spend the night at her place, and I thanked her for the offer but declined as I already had a place to stay. Eventually she said good night and walked toward the building. I got in the car and as usual, watched her as she went inside. I'm glad I did. The wheels of her walker gt stuck on the bottom of the doorway, and the automatic door closed on her. She was unable to free herself, so I ran over and opened the door. She immediately stepped to the left and grasped the handrail on the door, and puffed and panted. I asked if she was alright, and she said no. I wasn't sure what was happening. I asked if she needed to sit, and she said, "No... I don't know what I need."

    A few seconds passed, and I saw her legs shake and buckle. I caught her as she fell and guided her gently to the ground, shouting her name and asking her to answer me. She took several seconds to answer me, and she muttered "I'm OK, I'm OK." She fumbled with the buttons at her collar and I helped her undo them. She was lying in the open doorway and my phone was in the car. nobody was in sight. I didn't know what was going on, but Tula is 88 and has had several strokes before. I ended up holding the door open with one hand and stretching over to call the superintendant from the door buzzer. He came running out in his pyjamas and moved her out of the doorway. I asked him to call an ambulance but Tula said it wasn't necessary. He was clearly afraid and said he had to go back in because he was in the middle of cooking his supper. So he took off and I was left there with Tula sitting on the ground.

    I waited a minute until Tula seemed stable enough to stay upright while I ran to the car and returned with my phone. She said she was alright and just needed to go to bed, but she was completely white and sweaty, and her skin was stone cold. What had happened to her wasn't a cataplexy, and I didn't think she should be left alone without first being checked out by a doctor. I called an ambulance, and the medics convinced her to go. It didn't take much to convince her, as she was so tired all she wanted to do was sleep. They said she may have had a mini-stroke, so I was glad I made the decision to call for help. Besides, there was no way I could have gotten her off the ground, let alone up to her apartment and into bed.

    When the ambulance left, I called Joan to let her know what had happened. It was funny, she didn't seem to think it strange that I was phoning so close to midnight. She told me how good it was to see me and how happy she was that I was finally getting treatment. I had to break in to tell her about Tula. She was glad I told her, and she asked which hospital she was taken to so she could follow up later. Once that was finished with, I thanked her for the money and said I would use it to pay for my choir registration fee. Joan said I made her night, and that she thought it would be a wonderful use of her gift. It's so nice to have someone that is so encouraging and generous!

    I spent the night at Austin's, and got some much-needed sleep.

    Tuesday: I woke early, thinking about Tula. I phoned the hospital and was told she had just been released and sent home in a cab. Although they couldn't give me any more information than that, I was satisfied that she must be alright.

    Dave (the guy that wanted to buy the house) phoned me and said he and his brother would like to see Dad's stuff. I invited them over to Austin's, and soon after they showed up with baby Chantal in tow. They spent an hour going through the stuff, and were amazed at the sheer volume of it all. They said they felt rushed and would like to return to look at it more closely, so I said they could return about 2PM and take a closer look.

    I raced up to Newmarket and picked up Mom and the cats to go to the vet. Teffy got a good review, but Zazu needed blood tests to monitor some previous problems that had shown up. When we returned to the house, I took a look through the basement. Mom had hired two men to break apart the shelves in the basement, but when they arrived she told them they had to empty the basement too. What they thought would be a 2-hour job turned out to be a 2-day job. Mom told them that money was no object. One of the guys told me he figured the two days' work would cost $800. But whatever. It's not my money being spent, and it means I'm not doing the work to throw things out. I looked through the stuff they'd set aside for Mom's yard sale and picked out some things I wanted to keep. I also had them help me put the dining room table in the back of the van and a folding outdoor table on the roof. I managed to save some cookbooks and a couple of handwritten recipes from Gran, and Dad's slide projector and slide carousels. Mom wanted to throw out the slides and keep the boxes, but I wouldn't allow it. I'll have to retrieve Dad's old Pentax SLR camera too. I'd like to find someone really worthy of having it, perhaps a student that can't afford a high-end camera but wishes to learn how to use one.

    I raced back to Austin's to meet Dave and John, and I sat and made phone calls while they dug through the piles of stuff and found what they wanted. At the end of it all, they gave me $450 for a bunch of miscellaneous items. I sold them on a few extra items they weren't originally going to buy, and they said I should be in sales. They asked if they could return next time I'm in town when they have more money, and I said no problem. I have to remember to take the boxes of engines with me as they were very interested in those.

    Again, I had no time to nap. I had to go out and pick Chris up, then go to Markham to meet the singles' club at All Star Wings. All Star has 96 flavours of wings, including Armageddon wings, which require a waiver to be signed before you eat them. If you eat 10 Armageddon wings within half an hour, you get a t-shirt and your photo posted on the Wall of Flame. Jay had said that if anyone managed to eat the Armageddon wings, he would pay for them. Well, Melissa decided to go for it. However, when she ordered she was told they were out of the sauce. She had to order the second hottest wings, called H-Bomb. After her first bite, she said "It's not that hot." Chris warned her that many people say that before the burn kicks in, and they regret it later. Sure enough, by the fifth wing Melissa had stopped talking and was blotting tears from her eyes. She managed to finish the wings, but was looking quite ill by the end of it. She said it was the hottest food she'd ever eaten, and she couldn't imagine what the Armageddon ones would be like. They're supposed to be 15 times hotter then the H-Bomb wings! She propmtly excused herself and said she had to go home because her dog was sick. I corrected her by saying she had to go because she was sick as a dog. She was such a good sport, and all the guys were impressed by her bravery.

    Wednesday: I went shopping for cat stuff. I wanted a covered litter box, and the one at Mom's house isn't covered. Petsmart wanted $40 for a top-entry litterbox. I went next door to Superstore and bought a Rubbermaid tote of similar proportions, and will cut a hole in the lid once the cats are used to using it without the lid. The Rubbermaid box cost me a whole $8.

    I went to Mom's house and there were two real estate agents in the driveway. One was telling the other about things she'd seen in the house on a previous visit. I was eavesdropping, and when they noticed they moved up the sidewalk a bit, out of earshot. I thought it was quite rude for them to talk that way about their client whie they were standing out in the street.

    Another agent arrived as I was packing the van. She asked if I was Sandra's oldest daughter, and I said yes. She asked how I felt about Mom's plan to sell the house and buy a condo, but just then Mom came outside so I said we'd talk later. The stupid woman tried to talk to me twice inside the house, and I had to keep telling her that we couldn't talk in Mom's presence. I gave her my card and she gave me hers, and I said we'd talk later.

    When I went to the basement to look for more stuff to take, one of the workmen told me Mom told him to throw the freezer in the dumpster. Complete with the food that was inside. I grabbed two laundry baskets and filled them with the contents of the freezer. I put the cats in the car and the frozen food in against the door, and set off to take them to Austin's.

    I stopped up the street and called the real estate agent, as I knew she had left the house. I told her my honest opinion, that Mom shouldn't be living alone and would make her condo as dirty as her house within two months, guaranteed. She was still keen to sell the condo to Mom though, which iIthought was pretty ridiculous. But then, she only makes money if she makes a sale, and she has sold that condo twice only to have it fall through. She said she would have a lawyer speak to Mom about the situation before the sale is finalised.

    I rushed to Austin's and got the frozen food into his freezer, laundry baskets and all. I plugged the freezer in and ran out.I moved Zazu from the floor in the back to the front passenger seat so he could see me while I drove. Teffy cried a little bit and clawed the cage carpet up under her, then fell asleep when we got on the 401. Zazu looked sleepy a couple of times, but just meowed at me periodically and reached his paws through the cage to get my attention. I talked to him all the way. I got to the apartment at 3:30PM, and let the cats out right away. Teffy made a beeline for the coffee table and hid under it, then disappeared behind the couch. I didn't see her for hours. Zazu walked around the apartment with his tail between his legs, going through each room and checking things out. When he finished inspecting Gilly's room, he turne toward me and raised his tail happily, then walked back out to the hallway and sprawled across the carpet as if to say he approved.

    I put out food and water and put litter in the box, and placed Zazu in the box. He promptly jumped out. There was no getting Teffy. Zazu followed me around, and when I sat down he jumped on me and purred loudly and demanded hugs. Of course, I obliged.

    An hour later I had to leave to meet Ellen and Brian in St. Jacobs for dinner. They had stayed here with Gilly the night before for a visit. We went to the
    Crossroads Mennonite restaurant, and I was starving. All I'd eaten all day was a bowl of cereal at 8:30AM. I enjoyed the buffet, but I ate too much too quickly and felt very ill when I was finished. Gilly showed up when we were halfway through dinner, so we all had a nice time catching up.

    Thursday: I decided not to take any Ritalin today, as I didn't have to be anywhere. I slept until nearly 2PM, then made myself get up to do laundry. Between trips to the laundry room I cuddled with Zazu. Every time I went to the door he wanted outinto the hallway, so at one point I let him out to explore. Of course, there's nothing out there to see, so he just walked from one end to the other and back. I also harnessed him and put him ont he leash and tried to coax him onto the balcony. Jeff says lots of pople allow their cats on their balconies, and the cats don't jump, although occasionally they jump over to the next door neighbour's balcony. Zazu was too afraid to go any further than the bottom of the door. I thought Teffy might try to sneak out for a look too, but she didn't appear.

    Zazu threw up twice this morning, although he hadn't eaten since he arrived. Teffy only ventured out of hiding this evening. This afternoon I found her cowering under Gilly's bed, so I left bowls of food and water near her and she came out to sniff around. I never saw her eat, but later I noticed the food and water had decreased. She walked all over the apartment tonight, and I suspected she was looking for the litter box. I couldn't catch her though, so I just hoped she would find it herself. Just as Gilly was going to bed, she discovered Teffy had pooped and vomited on the living room carpet. D'oh.

    Mom called me at suppertime and said she'd spoken tot he vet. I called the vet directly to confirm the results. Zazu has kidney failure. He's not suffering and he could live anywhere from a few months to a couple of years. We need to buy him special medicated food, and I need to give him 1/4 tablet of Pepcid AC antacid once or twice a day to keep his nausea under control. I gave him his first dose tonight, and he took it quite well. I just hope he tolerates the new food as well. The vet said since it's low salt, most cats don't like it. I'll have to try him on it anyway, even if we have to mix it with his old food to get him to eat it.

    Gilly and I are both worried about him, but are glad that at least we can give him lots of love and enjoy what time we have left with him.

September 8, 2007

  • On Thursday I went to the hospital emergency room after writing my blog entry. I asked to speak to the crisis worker, and four hours later, I did. I had a good cry and ended up with a referral for cognitive behavioural therapy. I still felt like crap when i got home, but the panic had subsided.

    Today I went to a scale rally run by the local model club, the Flying Dutchmen. I set up my screen tent and displayed a full vanload of stuff. I sold about half of it, and ended up with $629.80. Claire was there helping me for part of the day, and he said a good day at that scale rally normally nets about $300. He said I was really good at it, and the men came to the tent in droves because they figured I'd be a pushover. Instead, I held firm on my prices and didn't get fleeced. Yay! One guy in his late 30s hung around for most of the day, buying much of what I had. He kept going out to fly and returning, and we chatted for a long time. He was very pleasant, and I'm not sure but I think he was probably flirting somewhat. Anyway, we traded phone numbers as he is looking for certain kinds of engines that my dad is likely to have, and he also wants to see my stuff at the London swap meet next month. He said he'll bring a pile of money so he can buy a lot. As it was, he kept checking his cell phone for a response from someone he'd called and asked to come to the field with more money!

    One guy wanted to buy the entire laundry basket full of covering materials, but he wanted to pay nothing for it. Instead he bought 7 1/2 rolls for $60, which was less than I'd originally asked but I didn't mind the volume discount. Another guy, the owner of a hobby shop, asked for a list of the kits that are for sale. He said if I can provide one he would probably buy a large batch to resell in his shop. Claire said he'd get one together. I handed out my card to a lot of people so they can e-mail me for the engine list. One of the men in the tent was excitedly digging through a box and said, "This is like Christmas!" I met a lot of really nice, fun people and enjoyed it far more than I expected to. I'm actually looking forward to going to London now.

    Tomorrow I return to Newmarket and on Monday I'll be going to the house for the last of the model stuff. While I'm there, I'm going to look for important items like my grandfather's pocket watch and Box Brownie camera. Claire said he found my dad's university graduation photo while he was digging around the desk, so I'll retrieve it while I'm there. I knew it was in that area, but had never been able to find it. It's large and framed, and I'd like to put it on the wall in the living room, beside the picture of my mother when she was the same age.

September 6, 2007

  • I just got an e-mail from Roy. He says he's arranged that we will go to Mom's house on Monday morning to take the last load of stuff out. She told him that once that's done, she's going to get a dumpster and empty the house into it, sell up and buy a condo.

    A condo. To live alone. To destroy with garbage and urine and all matter of horrors. To allow the cats to gouge up the walls. To essentially render the unit uninhabitable, and lose her investment due to her own neglect.

    Last night I was feeling really good because Gilly and I went to a Newcomers' club meeting and made a new friend, a girl our age named Insiyah. Today I'm feeling shattered by the reality of my mom's haste to throw everything away and the fact that it's very likely Monday will be the last time I'll ever set foot in the only home I've ever known.

September 3, 2007

  • Have a laugh.

    http://www.b3ta.com/links/Child_Beater

September 2, 2007

  • My mom phoned here today asking for me, and I refused the call. Gilly spoke to her instead. Mom told her she is on a waiting list to get into a seniors' apartment building, and she plans to sell the house as soon as the stuff is out of the basement. She said she has had two people seriously interested in buying the house, and when Mom had a real estate agent look at the place she was told that even in the state it's in, the house and property are worth about $325 000. She was advised not to do any repairs and just sell it as-is. She has also ordered Lifeline (you know, "I've fallen and I can't get up") to be installed next week.

    So this is somewhat of a relief, although I am saddened by the fact that I won't get to properly say goodbye to the home I've always known. I'm also concerned about the idea of selling the house immediately, as I was told by various agencies that such seniors' housing has a waiting list of a year or more. It would be very unwise for her to sell the house before she has secured a new apartment.

    Anyway, Mom was calling to ask me to give back the crate containing Dad's financial papers. The thing is, she wanted the crate itself, not the papers. Her social worker advised her to file her papers away properly instead of leaving them lying around on the floor or recycling them. It obviously never occurred to her to just get her own filing crate. Anyway, when Gilly told her she wasn't going to get it back from me, Mom just said OK. Gilly says she was very civil in their phone conversation, and only made one snide remark about me. She didn't comment on the Humane Society visiting her, but it's very possible they haven't been there yet. When I spoke to them on Friday morning they said they would send someone to the house and try to convince her to surrender the cats. I haven't heard back from them at all.