September 1, 2009

  • I met someone great at Abstract on Friday. My attention was held by self-confidence and an unconventional sort of physical attractiveness. I took a risk after a brief exchange, handed over my card and said "You're intriguing, I'd like to hear from you." My boldness was rewarded with a huge smile and eyes that lit up and made me feel all warm and fuzzy.

    I got a call Sunday morning. Went for coffee last night, it went great. Unlike the last person I successfully hit on while dancing, D is intelligent, funny, liberal-minded, and easy to talk to. We stayed out until sometime after 1AM, thoroughly enjoying each other's company and the fun conversation we had. The attraction is clearly mutual, and we agreed we'd like to see each other again. Yay!  The weird part is...D is MtF transgender.

    So this is new to me, although I'm not uncomfortable with the idea. Mainly my concern is making sure I don't make assumptions or be inadvertently disrespectful. When I met D in the club, she was wearing a woman's shirt, eyeliner and two earrings. I asked about her tattoo on her arm, and she said it represented a goddess of change. I told her it was beautiful (it was) and the rest of the night, although we weren't dancing together, we kept catching each other's eyes. She was dancing with a female friend, but as they weren't touching I assumed they were not a couple. Turns out I was right.

    Anyway, a friend saw me hand D my card, and he said to me, "You didn't just give your card to the gay guy, did you?" I told him I did give my card to someone, but that I'm simply interested in knowing "his" story (not knowing gender identity at the time, I referred to D as male) and would really like to make contact later. Although I have never had any Trans friends, I am very aware that gender and sexual orientation are two separate aspects of a person, and the only thing I knew for sure was that I wanted to see this person again.

    Last night, we shared our personal stories. I learned that D is MtF, but only realised she was female three years ago after a marriage and two children. The kids are still pretty young and call her Mummy D, which I think is just awesome. Her wife wasn't so understanding, but they split up and share custody. I also learned that while D identifies as female, she is still attracted to women, as well as Transmen and Transwomen.

    Through the evening, D kept asking what I was thinking, and later got more specific in asking what I had hoped for when I handed her my card. I said I hoped she'd call, and I'd get to know her and see what happened. She said she'd never had anyone give her a card like that before, and it made her feel great to be hit on for the first time while wearing the clothes she liked wearing. I did tell her I found her attractive, and more so after our conversation. She was pleased but also confused, as she was concerned that I was only really seeing her masculine looks and not the person inside. It's a fair concern, as I still don't really know her. I reminded her that this was a new situation for me too, and that I'd just like to see her again and get to know her better. I don't know what will come of it, but certainly we could be good friends if nothing else.

    As an added bonus, D is in hairdressing school, and I need highlights! She's a good dancer, an actor, and a reiki practitioner. She must be cool with cats as there was one in the window at her house when I dropped her off. She's into obscure indie movies. Most of all, she's genuine, which is hard to find. Dating a Trans person has never really come to mind for me, but honestly, is she has all the important qualities I'm looking for, I'm happy to explore the idea. Today, I'm feeling happy.