April 17, 2008
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I must rant briefly before going to bed.
Tonight we were out at a karaoke bar with the singles' club here. Things were going well, people had a good time. I got up and sang a couple of songs, and so did some others in our group.
Toward the end of the evening, the girl sitting beside me asked if I was doing anything Saturday night, as she is going to a party. I don't know this girl well; I have met her a couple of times and she gets on my nerves so I generally just try my best not to sit next to her at events. Anyway, my calendar is packed to overflowing for a couple of months in advance, and while I couldn't recall my plans for this Saturday night, I knew it would be a packed weekend.
"I'm busy that night, but thank you for the invitation anyway," I said. She asked if we were having a group event that night, and I said no, because I knew we weren't. She began badgering me, asking repeatedly what I was doing and where I was going that night. It made me uncomfortable and frustrated. It's none of her business what my activities are outside the group, and if I don't volunteer the information it's rude of her to insist I tell her where I'll be on a specific night. So after trying several times to tell her I was "just busy", I finally snapped at her and told her she didn't need to know exactly where I would be and what I was doing. I had tried the polite way, but this girl is the clueless type that doesn't just accept what you're saying for what it is, and you have to be extremely blunt with her. And seriously, that behaviour is not only annoying and rude, but it's creepy and mildly stalkerish.
What bothered me the most was the reactions of Gilly and this girl's friend who was sitting beside her. They didn't think I had the right to be pissed off and snap at this girl. Now, just because I'm now officially the leader of this group does not mean that my entire life should be the business of everyone in the group, nor does it mean that I should have to tolerate inappropriate behaviour that crosses my personal boundaries. I am still a human being, and if someone really offends me I still have every right to express that.
As clueless people do, this girl moaned about my bitchiness when I went to the washroom soon afterward. She said she didn't want to come back after that. Gilly told me this after we left, and honestly, part of me was happy. I'm pretty indifferent to this girl's presence at events provided we have minimal contact and don't sit anywhere near each other. However, I don't feel inclined to chase her down and apologise for reacting to her creepy interrogation. If she doesn't come back, it just means I won't have to deal with her again.
Aside from that, the evening was fun and there were lots of new people.
Comments (1)
How about finding a "grey" reaction, instead of the black and white... I know I'm one to talk because I do the same thing... Just be passively polite until I'm pissed, and then snap... But lately I've been experimenting with grey reactions. In this case it would be basically taking the girl aside away from other people at the table, and telling her "My business outside this group is none of your business and I don't appreciate the interrogation. If I don't want to answer your question, you need to accept that and move on."... That way there isn't the "embarassment" factor of being snapped at in front of other people, and she may still have chosen to never come back but she wouldn't have felt as inclined to discuss the situation with other people at the table to save face while you were in the washroom.
Like I said, I've been experimenting with this approach to certain annoying people that I have to deal with and I'm finding it much more effective than the black or white responses.
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